My Burnout Story (+The Sneaky Signs of Burnout)

I collapsed onto the couch, buried under a pile of blankets. My boyfriend (now husband) was desperately trying to get me out of the house and into the world, to engage in more of life than blanket puddles and various hot drinks.  I stared at him blankly, I had no zest in me for anything.  I felt badly, but I just didn’t. As a formerly passionate foodie, my meals had become frozen and bagged or uber eats. As a lover of fashion, my outfits had become entirely sweats and more sweats and as a lover of humans, I had become so isolated.  I actually DREADED socializing. What the HECK had happened?

The early signs?  The early signs that put me at higher risk for mega burnout were – perfectionistic tendencies, never feeling enough, addicted to calling myself ‘Type A’ and wanting it ALL, all at once.  I was also never taught by society that things could happen in an aligned way that supports health and happiness and was taught HUSTLE CULTURE in its entirety.  If it wasn’t done from the fast, furious masculine energy, there was no point.  This came with an excessive amount of highly caffeinated drinks and sugar fueled treats to keep those stress hormones PUMPING, 

If you don’t know my story, after University, I started in Marketing Agency life. The kindest man (from my volunteer days) led me there so the intentions were all good. However, I did not know what I was getting myself into.  On my first week, I was told by co-workers who were a decade or two older that agency life had a notorious reputation for intensity.  This meant ‘showing your worth’ by arriving at the crack of dawn and staying late into the evening hours. It was suggested by other employees to not take lunch or breaks, this is how you survived. 

Following agency life, I was convinced that ‘client side marketing’ would be better. Apparently it was acceptable to leave your work at 5 pm and not 10 pm and to pursue hobbies and live more of a normal and balanced life.  While I did feel some level of improvements in this work, the massive feelings of ‘this is not right’ perpetuated.  And while the culture was not the same to stay late, the level of responsibility kept me at the late night grind.  I would catch myself on breaks googling schools and options to keep my spirits up. 

After many, many visits to the various holistic websites during the 5 minute lunch breaks in my marketing career, it finally happened. I applied and was accepted to the Canadian College of Naturopathic Medicine.  Woohoo, something light and airy to entrench myself in daily! Or was it….

Oops, this wasn’t it again.  One of my biggest mistakes in this part of my story is that I did not quite do enough research.  And so I embarked on the hardest, biggest journey yet that would end up being the ultimate piece of the pie in my burnout journey.  The schooling I chose required studies in the holistic modalities (botany, Chinese medicine, etc.) However, there was also a heavy load on the pharmacology, biochemistry and other courses I wasn’t ready for.  Exams were laid out for a full week and a half at a time, sometimes with two exams in one day. And to finish the program, you needed to take a form of medicalized board exams. (I sat beside a former MD in the exams and he said they were just as tough as the MD board exams. LE SIGH.)

And so I take you back to the image of me, slumped on the coach with no zest for anything in 2016. It had been a decade since I was living any sort of normalcy (bouncing from VERY intense jobs, naturopathic school, etc. etc.). I had burned myself into the ground. The supplements and green juices were no longer working. I had to do this another way.  What was it that I needed?  How could I recover?

One of the tell tale signs of this insane burnout was that I was so irritable (this was not like me), I have always been a pretty JOYFUL person.  The smallest things made me internally feel SO annoyed. (Someone answered too slow, someone walked to slow, my shawarma wasn’t served correctly). The funny thing is that no one would have ever known that I was this not myself because I smiled and just processed my increasingly annoyed mood on my own.

So, there are two parts of the burnout journey that are super important to chat about.  The first part is that until you come to terms with your perfectionist and ‘never enough’ tendencies, you will never recover.   These beliefs will drive your every action, thought and behaviour in a toxic way that cannot be sustained.  When I was in Naturopathic school just to prove I was smart, when I was in marketing just to prove I had a successful job, the ego was leading the charge, not the heart.  And so, my soul withered rather than bloomed. 

The second part is that if you are burnt out, you have likely lost touch with your values and special gifts. Sometimes we head down the path because we don’t even know the direction we should be going. So we pick ANYTHING, often ego driven.  So the BEST thing we can do is sit and look at our values, our gifts, our strengths and connect to what other people see in us.  This is the journey from the head back to the heart. 

Is it time to reconnect to who you really are? Consider me your wing woman on the journey. I am now accepting clients for life coaching. In 2025, will it be you? If you can connect to this blog, it might be time to dig deep into your heart and soul and see all of the miraculous doors that open. DM me to learn more.

Thanks for being here. 

-Emily